Survivor Stories
Survivor
Estela Lopez, a Latina Woman now in her 60’s, was in numerous abusive relationships throughout her life. She goes on to describe one specific relationship she had with a man for about 5 years: “He beat me up really bad. Messed my head up. He used to hit me and I would land on the floor. Kicked me with his boots. I ended up in the hospital a couple of times with head concussions.” Her story isn’t uncommon, though, as many women find themselves stuck in a cycle of abusive relationships. Explaining her situation further, Estela said “I tended to, I guess, fall for the ones that were abusive. I’ve been beaten in the head numerous times, not just two or three times. One doctor said that it was a miracle that I’m still alive.”
In her interview, Stephanie Williams, now 57, spoke on her 27-year-long marriage to her abusive husband. When discussing it, she notes that she left him on more than one occasion but always found herself coming back. When asked why, Stephanie stated “I guess low self-esteem. I figured I couldn’t do it on my own. I missed him. I don’t know. I really don’t know why I kept—because there’s times that I got a really good job and was promoted from down there. I had a place to live and had everything going really good. And then I just—it lasted for a while. And then I had to go back.” Beyond low self-esteem, Stephanie also mentioned a deep sense of dependency on others in her interview. After her divorce, she even continued to care for her ex-husband, this sense of dependency was greatly connected to her inability to follow through with plans to move on and achieve new happiness.
Stephanie’s story is also one that many other women can relate to. Her willingness to stay even despite almost three decades of abuse is a testimony to how difficult it is for some women to come to terms with, or even recognize, the signs of an abusive relationship. As stated by the researchers who interviewed Stephanie, “[t]he emotional connections that the women had with their partners often undermined their abilities to recognize or reject abuse.
References
1. Cervantes, Marisa V., and Jennifer Sherman. "Falling for the Ones That Were Abusive: Cycles of Violence in Low-Income Women’s Intimate Relationships." Journal of Interpersonal Violence (2019): 17.
2. Cervantes, Cycles of Violence: 18